An open letter to Lassie

Dear Lassie:


A cougar? Really???

Saving Timmy from the well? Taking down the bank robber?

Perhaps if you acted like a normal dog – ate poop, dug up things in the backyard, or went garbage picking – those of us living in the real world would have a chance of looking good!

I don’t want to protect anyone from a cougar, or pull them from a well, or save them from an oncoming train. Those things are scary, yo! Plus, It’s too much responsibility to take care of these little people. Let’s be honest, there is something called survival of the fittest! If and when the little ones make poor choices such as wandering so far from home to encounter a cougar, I’m thinking we should assume they simply won’t make it in the world and let nature take it’s course.

I know it sounds harsh, but here’s what happens in the real world when a dog lives with kids:





Makes your stomach turn a little, huh?

Do I really want to save that? I’m not sold.

So, before you go running home to tell the adults to follow you to the well, think for a moment what you are doing for the average joe who then has to live up to your activities.

Think more Beethoven, Hooch, and Marley. Now those dudes make us look good.

You can pass the word on to your friends, Rin Tin Tin, Benji, and Carl.

Peace out!