Look, I’m not a huge fan of the hot weather we get here in summer. I have a lot of fur and no actual sweat glands, so it’s not really what I’m suited for, let’s just say. But I also was not meant to live in weather that makes my pee freeze as it exits my body. This weather is actually more for my friends the sled dogs who often live up with Santa and that freak of nature, Rudolph. (He’s a nice guy, but the red nose is kind of blinding when you’re trying to just hang out and chew a bone with him.) I just can’t get behind weather that entails me needing to humiliate myself with booties. I simply won’t wear them, but then when I go outside and my paws literally freeze after a brief jaunt around the yard, it makes me think my ego isn’t serving me.
The other thing this Polar Vortex doesn’t seem to understand is that when it’s 50 degrees below zero, the schools close around here, which means the kids are home all day causing havoc. Remember, I like them and all, but seriously, there is such a thing as too much family time. I take the weekdays to savor in some quiet time with me and my girl. She does work, I sit where I can see her if she moves, we might go for a walk or I go to work with her, I might get a chew stick, etc. It’s our time. Not to mention, she gets a little high strung when the kids are home and can’t go outside. (I say “a little” because she might read this.)
So, Polar Vortex, with all due respect, I’m done. I’m a man of habit and routine, and you have severely messed with all of that. Please move on and don’t drag behind you the hottest summer we’ve ever experienced. What would they call that? The Solar Misery?