Ever since the movie Frozen came out, I know that snowmen have been fairly popular. I’m hoping this doesn’t become an epidemic like bunnies at Easter or Dalmatians after the 101 Dalmatians movie came out. That movie did nothing for my friends with spots except create a demand that couldn’t be maintained without some breeding that likely involved family members getting way too close for comfort. I’ve got some friends who can’t even hear that movie’s name without ending up in a ball in the corner of the room.
That said, I think it’s what is happening to snowmen all over town. Since the movie came out, they are everywhere and expected to walk, talk, and save the day.
The reality of a snowman is much more tragic. I mean, they start as hope and a vision after freshly fallen snow. But things get pretty dark, pretty fast when the sun comes out and the temp toys with numbers over 32 degrees. Someone should do a documentary about that and open some eyes.
Anyway, I bring it up because, frankly, they creep me out. Their eyes are always dead. Vacant, you know? They’re smiling a smile that doesn’t seem genuine. It’s like they have been captured and turned into Stepford snowpeople.
I’ll tell you a secret:
You know how humans go cow tipping in rural areas?
Well, I like to do what I call “pee bombing” to our snow companions. What is this you ask? Well, it’s when you find a snowman, and when they aren’t looking, you run up and lift a leg (or not, in my case, but that for another post) and pee on them. Craziest thing is that
humans actually find this quite funny, and you don’t get in trouble the way you would if you did that indoors. It leaves a yellow streak on their bottom ball. (Heehee. That’s a funny sentence all around.) If you run into another dog, and you get into a turf war, the snowman can start to get pretty thin.
I admit it’s a little low-brow humor, but this winter has made me a little batty. One takes what they can get. We’ve had a couple snowmen in our yard this year, and we’ve silently agreed to co-exist. It’s the best I can do.
Post a picture of your Snowpeople from your yard on my Facebook page. Even better, a dog peeing on them. I can’t be alone in my distrust. …At the very least share this if you deem it shareable!